It's coming I promise.

Just a quick update to tell you where I'm at. So holiday adventure stories are coming. I have been snowed under with work and one sick Miss Midget (It seems the moment we hit the county her immune system protested).

We also have had birthdays to celebrate with My 30th happening while we were away and Miss Midget's 4th Birthday happening the week we were back.

For the Birthdays we had an afternoon tea for Miss and drinks for me (Very poor effort on my part, I was in bed by 12am, thanks to Mr E deciding it was a good idea to feed me shots - Shots are never a good idea!!!! When will I learn?).

Anyway to tide you over for a little while heres a couple that I haven't posted on Facebook - This should keep the masses happy until I can sort the rest out (Monday hopefully).

I think we got a tad wet on this ride at Sea World

Miss Midget making friends at Noosa National Park

Mr E having a turn on the didgeridoo in Cairns - He's pretty good

"King Kong & Pippi Longstockings"
Mr E and myself Jungle Surfing (Flying fox kinda thing or Zip Lining) at Cape Tribulation in Cairns

Well cheers to a uncertain future

Well this week more uncertainty has crept into my life.

I have been made redundant. 

While I'm not overly happy about the prospect of leaving the job I have held for the last 4 1/2yrs, I can honestly say I just don't have the fight left in me to try again to keep it.

So now with the uncertainty I have a world of possibility in front of me of what I can do next. While in theory this all sounds wonderful I'm not overly happy about this either as there is no structure, control, planning in place on what I am to do next.

Also with the possibility comes "new", I'm thinking about the concept of this now and while it is pushing me out of my comfort zone I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

So I guess I plan the best way I can. So I'm to start with the job websites and ringing round trying to update my references etc.

So far I have applied for 3 jobs and I have 2 more I am still contemplating. The next "right job" will be just around the corner I'm sure. So for the time being it's a matter of holding on to the handlebars and let the roller coaster take me where it may.

Well wish me luck people and lets see where I end up next :). 

Oh and if you hear of anything in the admin department that you think I might be interested in please feel free to send it my way. The more people helping me look the better.

(Small side note. I started writing this post on Tuesday while waiting for the confirmation. I strategically left it until now to post so I get over all my angry "doom & gloom" and start looking on the bright side. I know this is situation is not forever and I found a awesome quote this week that I think sums it up.)
 

If my daughter makes it to 18.......(Warning Content of this Post is a tad GROSS)

At present we are battling winter illness. So far this winter (Well actually the last 6wks) we've had a tummy bug, strep throat and now we're moving on to a wonderful cold which I won't go into great detail about (it's pretty gross). So again I have found that I have had to take time off work.

I'm now at the point where I'm getting cabin fever and my patience is extremely thin, It also doesn't help that I'm not feeling 100% either. At this point of having her home with me I'm thinking it's going to be a miracle if she makes it to 18yrs old.

My darling daughter when she gets cooped up she tends to go a little like her Mumma with cabin fever. I swear this afternoon was like I'd feed her a whole pile of sugar as she was running round like a crazy person. Was only when she stopped she realised she was still sick as the coughing came and the copious amounts of snot. Her ears must also not be working because everything I said to do (Like stay in the lounge cause it's warm) completely went out the window. Theres is also the entertainment factor that I'm having fun with. Her attention span is not lasting as long as normal.

This post is mainly because I'm frustrated. I know lots of kids get like this and I'm sure I'm not the only mother out there ready to rip their hair out due to not being able to win. I was even informed by the Doctor when we went last time that kids can have 12 sicknesses of a winter (which to me seems ridiculously high).

Be nice to catch a break sometime soon and be able to actually work. Its at this stage of the last few weeks I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last too long as a stay at home mum.

So now I'm going to stop whinging as a) theres not much I can do about the situation and b) having a child was our decision so I'm pretty sure this was self inflicted so time to take the concrete pill and harden up :).

It's funny what life throws at ya

So at present I'm trying - 

This is sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes I'd much rather



It's ok though don't worry cause I will be fine. I will not let the world beat me :)
As long as I remember




and 


and



Have a good day guys xo

Just checking in

Hi All.
Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately.
Have a lot on my plate at present which is making my life awfully interesting.

I haven't done any sewing lately. I have had my head stuck in books recently and I haven't done much else but read :).

I've decided my Kindle was one of the best purchases ever.
The books available for ebook readers are with in my price range which is awesome and there are some awesome books I've discovered.

Beautiful Creatures Series - This series I couldn't put down. I read all the books in what I thought was record time for me. Was a bit sad that ended but definitely a good read.

"Ethan Wate is haunted by dreams of a girl he’s never met. When Lena Duchannes moves into his small southern town of Gatlin County, Ethan is inexplicably drawn to her. And he is determined to uncover the strange connection between them, even if it means uncovering the one secret that could change everything"

I should of listened though and steered clear of the movie but I wasn't quite ready to let go of the series and wanted to see how the movie compared. Yeah they stuffed it up royally, the main character was miss cast and they rushed the story which was highly frustrating. It's was worse than when I watched The Help after read the book (That was a mistake to).

From there Amazon recommended a few books and for some reason I went with The Infernal Devices series. The series kicks off with "Clockwork Angel"

"Magic is dangerous—but love is more dangerous still.
When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray crosses the ocean to find her brother, her destination is England, the time is the reign of Queen Victoria, and something terrifying is waiting for her in London's Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Only the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons, keep order amidst the chaos."

Loved it and quickly went through "Clockwork Prince" and "Clockwork Princess" (Was very lucky as the last book came out about 2 or 3 days before so was able to read them all straight away.

To my delight I found this series was actually a prequel to "The Mortal Instruments" series so I quickly jumped on that bandwagon to and read all 5 books straight as fast as I could get them. My only problem now is the 6th book doesn't come out until next year. 
The first book is City of Bones, story goes like this -

When fifteen-year-old Clary Fray heads out to the Pandemonium Club in New York City, she hardly expects to witness a murder — much less a murder committed by three teenagers covered with strange tattoos and brandishing bizarre weapons. Clary knows she should call the police, but it's hard to explain a murder when the body disappears into thin air and the murderers are invisible to everyone but Clary.

Going back to books being turned into movies.
This one has a movie coming out in August in USA which looks good. Hopefully I won't come away disappointed in that one.

So now that I have finished all that I went back to Amazon and am now reading a book called "Divergent"

In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself. 

Not quite sure what I think of it just yet, I finished it this afternoon and I think I want to read the next one in the series but I can't say that I have been as taken with this book as what I was with the others. It was sort of like Hunger Games, there were similar themes etc.

So now on to find the next good read if I can find one :)

Yeah I'm slack

Hmmm so yeah I know I'm slack.
It's been a couple of months since my last post.
A whole pile of thinsg are going on at present. Unfortunately I can't really talk about any of them here so we'll have to make do with a bright fluffy post about a mermaid :).

So a couple of weeks ago now, I had some inspiration to make Miss Midget a mermaid. Had thought about going and seeing from designs were out there and for some reason I decided against this and decided to make my own (Yeah crazy lady here).

So below is what I have ended up with :)

My drawing to start making pattern

All cut out ready to sew

Getting there

Her face

All sewn up but something doesn't look right.
Her arms also could of been a bit wider :).

She needed a necklace.

So again if anyone stumbles upon this blog post and you want my pattern just feel free to email me :).

Now that I have made this one though, I'm thinking I might actually see what free patterns are out there.
I'm waiting to find something easy that won't take me to long that I could perhaps sell to make a bit of extra money to go to Australia with.

So far I've found these - 

Source: bitofwhimsydolls.com via Donna on Pinterest

Source: thecraftingfiend.blogspot.com via Donna on Pinterest

Problem with these ones is I'm picking I'm going to have to get a bit better on the sewing machine for them. I'll see what I can come up with. Will let you know if I end up making them or if I get to the point I can sell them :).

Another surprising use for Hand Sanitizer

So yesterday as I was home alone I found I had lots of time to rattle round the internet just filling in time.
I came across a friend's status - Renette from South African Kiwi.
She had found something which to me would never of been obvious.

"Hand sanitiser removes permanent marker from carpets. Just so you know."

Well that got my little brain ticking fast and I knew I had a small bottle of the stuff that I'd never used so this lead on to me trying to clean the arms of my lazy boy chair.

Ok so this chair has had a hard life. Originally my Popa's chairs, we inherited them and they have been sitting in the lounge for the better part of 7yrs (not counting 6mths but thats a whole another story). Anyway this particular chair used to be Mr E's got to chair. So of course the arms looked horrible with all sorts of muck on them and years worth of it. You know the kind of muck that comes from a boys hands after they have been in the garage tinkering, or the kind that comes from being on their hands at work, that sort of stuff.

So last night I thought "What the hell, lets give this a go".

Well I was quite surprised with the results.

Take a look for yourself below.

Arm before (It's pretty gross huh)

Arm after

The state of the chux cloth after.

So there you go. Not sure how cost effective this would be if you decided to do this on a regular basis and I'm sure they have proper cleaning products that possibly would of done the same job. I just wanted to test it on something that I knew was stuck and wouldn't be that easy to clean (The other arm of the chair did actually have permanent marker on it. Not any more though).

So if the apocalypse ever comes and you find yourself without cleaning products but you have a stock of hand sanitizer you'll be fine :).

Have a good day :)

When the holidays over.............

Managed to survive Christmas and News Years and we're all still in one piece :).

Miss Midget has been extremely spoilt over the last few weeks with trips here and there. Mr E and Miss left today to go spend a few days down in Managwhai

This is the view from where they are staying.

Yeah I'm extremely jealous to :).

Over the holidays we mainly spent it hanging out with family and friends and just enjoying the weather. We have had some beautiful stuff here.
I'm very thankful for Mum and Dad's pool as well as there were a couple of days last week where if there hadn't been a pool I would of melted.
I figure I'll leave ya with a few of my favourite photos from over the season as they pretty much explain it all :)

Christmas Present I made. Did 6 in total

Miss's cool pirate patch she got from her friends birthday party

Christmas eve and Santa has been

Santa didn't just leave presents. He left footprints to

Miss painting up our Balloon game with Nanny J

Bath time at Nanny J's

Our strawberry when we got home from being away at Christmas

The view from the house we stayed at in Parua Bay for New Years

The view from Mum & Dad's house

Miss Midgets super cool water slide.

Miss Midget's swing that turned up magically after new years

Miss Midget having a ride on the Bishop's bike :)

So as you can see a good time has been had by all.

Will try and post a bit more regularly now that the holidays have finished.

Have fun 

D

Tis the season to get crazy busy

Ok so lets see, what have I been up to since last I wrote.

I know I was meant to come back with what was happening with my voice - Yeah it was lost from Wednesday through to Saturday morning. Took ages to find the bloody thing :).

All has returned back to normal.

Work is going good at the moment. Extremely busy with content entering and training and helping clients which is good. I'm starting to make a bit of progress with things so it's all going well.

Miss Midget is still going through the toilet training process. Little witch decided she didn't want to go grow up the other day and wanted to be a baby. So we have been reinforcing she's such a helpful big girl. It seems to be working.
We've had a few battles with her stubborness but we appear to be winning. We are so close it's not funny. Obviously have our good days and our bad days with it. Due to the warmer weather it's a bit hard to keep clothes on her at home. She's turned into a nudist. This is also helping with getting her to use the toilet :).
She shouldn't be to far away from being all good and just in night nappies. We'll see how we go.

We're all geared up for Christmas. The tree is up. We've had our visit to Santa and presents have been brought. We're actually pretty organised this year. Just a couple of small things to get and then we're good to go. Also have to work on my christmas craft. Have a few things that I need to do on the sewing machine but have lost motivation. Must finish off Missy's fairies, haven't forgotten about the pirate hat and patch I'm meant to make either. I just need to find some energy. Can tell it's the end of the year as everyone is hanging out for a holiday and energy levels are low.

Christmas plans this year, Well we have a couple of Miss Midgets friends having Birthdays so we'll be going to those. We also will be going down the line to Mr E's Mum's house and going and seeing his grandparents.

Might even try and fit our honeymoon in there somewhere :).

Oh I also have been busy setting up the Choose Life facebook page which I volunteered to help run.
If you haven't checked it out yet, please do. It's such a worthy cause that I feel everyone needs to get behind :).

www.2chooselife.org.nz

 www.facebook.com/2chooselife

Anyway must get going. Got a few things to do with Miss Midget before dinner :).

Will make sure I update before Christmas :).


Putting ornaments on the tree.

 

 



Having "that child"

Hmmmm so We have discovered as Miss Midget is getting older taking her places has become more of a mission.
While I realise the only way she'll learn what acceptable behaviour is for us to take her places and reward the good and not let her get away with the bad stuff.
It's just an incredibly draining exercise and can be highly embarassing having "that" child when your in a social situation.
You know the one I'm talking about. That child screaming or getting into something they shouldn't be or making their poor parent look like a idiot as they are trying desperately to get them under control.
This can be a lot of fun trying to figure out what to do when the child has their own ideas.

Comes back down to a fight or flight scenario. Do you stand their and fight with you child until they see the error of their ways or do you excuse yourself and your child and run away before they can cause any more of disturbance?

I'll give Miss Midget credit she generally is a pretty good kid and most of the time we don't have to many problems when we go places.

Today was not such a cool example though. We were invited to a christening. Miss made some friends and was running round with them and then she gravitated to the sand and dirt and wanted to play in there, Obviously due to her being dressed up and where she wanted to play wasn't really meant to be a sandpit we had to keep steering her clear from it.There were a few other instances where her ears just didn't seem to want to work. Then it came time for the event. Well Missy didn't understand that you had to be quiet. It was explained multiple times but due to the no ears she was suffering from it became a bit much and she was taken out the front for a little while. We resorted to Mr E's phone for her entertainment and she sat on the ground quite happy for awhile until the speeches were over.

While it wasn't a epic scene we still felt bad. I know that sounds funny and I can hear some of you saying that I'm blowing it out of proportion. Factor this in too - My need to not have people looking at me and my parenting skills and the fact that we didn't know half the guests and it was a special day for our friends.

After the speeches we decided it ws probably a good idea to take our tiny terrorist home since her ears didn't seem to be switched on today, We excused ourselves which is a shame as it would of been nice to of stayed but Miss was just getting worse. We will be going back again this evening to have a couple of drinks so will explain when we get there which I'm sure they'll understand.

2 things I have learnt today though is always take food with you when you go somewhere. You can then combat the hungry child and also always make sure you have a escape plan in place just in case of a "that child" emergency.

So now Miss is sitting happily watching TV and isn't "That child" and we will attempt this social thing with her another day once we have her ears working properly.

Secret Squirrel Business

Well by the time I actually post this onto the blog the cat should be out of the bag.
Thought I would use this page to document whats happening before the cat gets out though.

Today is 26/10/12.
I am currently 2 weeks away from getting a new last name and a new husband.
For those of you who don't now. We have been together for 8yrs now. Engaged for around 4ish (it's been that long with a couple of hiccups in between that I can't give exact times lol).

First of all I want to say I was overwhelmed when we got engaged (again) by all the congratulations we received. To be honest as it was really a re-engagement we didn't see it as a big deal so it was lovely that all of you thought it was :).
Thank you.

Well it's been 24hrs since the plan was proposed and nobody has changed their mind yet which is brilliant lol. I've been and got the papers so we'll see how we go from there :).

27/10/12
We had a bit of a giggle with the papers last night. In my best most serious voice I had to check with Mr E to make sure our marriage wasn't in the forbidden category.
Did you know you a woman may not marry her —

• (1) grandfather:
• (2) grandmother's husband:
• (3) husband's grandfather:
• 4) father's brother:
• (5) mother's brother:
• (6) father:
• (7) stepfather
• (8) husband's father:
• (9) son:
• (10) husband's son:
• (11) daughter's husband:
• (12) brother:
• (13) son's son:
• (14) daughter's son:
• (15) son's daughter's husband:
• (16) daughter's daughter's husband:
• (17) husband's son's son:
• (18) husband's daughter's son:
• (19) brother's son:
• (20) sister's son.

This also counts Civil Union partners :).

Pretty sure Mr E is not any of the above so I think we're safe :).

So the fun part so far has been inviting people. Trying to come up with a random reason as to why we're having a party is a bit hard. Just as well our friends have come to expect the random drink or 2 at our house where it isn't drawing to much attention :).

03/11/12
Well it's 6 days until the big event. I quite like the fact we are doing it this way as I'm not a very patient person and it's nice not having to worry about the bigger stuff that comes with a wedding. We have the rings already sussed as we sorted them out a few years ago so we're not having to run round and sort those out. We have a couple of witnesses sorted and I have my wonderful childcare lady in the know so she can help sort Miss Midget out before the event :).

Yesterday I went to the court house and paid for it.
It's quite funny seeing it on a printed receipt :).

05/11/12
So I get married this week. That is a rather funny thought. I want it to hurry up and be Friday already and be a happy memory. I know that sounds funny but I'm really not a center of attention kind of person. So the sooner it's all over we can get on with the celebrating I'll be happier. The questions are coming through thick and fast since we've been asking people for Saturday. Have dodged a few of them. Not sure how successful but oh well. I'm not to worried about people thinking that they are in the know. I just don't want hordes of people turning up at the court house expecting to watch.
So I guess we're on the countdown. 5 days.

Tonight and tomorrow night are going to be relatively quiet which will be nice. Mr E is at work today and tomorrow night  and night after so the plan is quiet night for us both tonight. Tomorrow is a chill out night for Me, Wednesday I have a girly night with a good friend of ours. Do our nails and that sort of stuff lol. Thursday Mr E is off with a mate doing boy stuff for his last day of freedom and well Friday is the day so I'm finishing at 1pm on Friday to go get ready and make sure Miss Midget is good to go. Exciting times.

Had a interesting chat before with Mr E's friends wife. The one he is running away with on Thursday to do boy stuff with. Apparently I'm not to expect him home on Thursday night. This scares me a little. The warning has been put in place that everything Mr E should be returned to me on Friday in the same condition I left in. This means all eye brows are where I left them in the same condition I left them in. There is to be no visible bruises or added extras like a ball and chain and or graffiti drawn on Mr E's face with marker of any description (Permanent or other wise). I have informed him (via his wife lol) that he will be a dead man walking if these conditions are not adhered to. So effectly he is going to be Mr E's body guard lol.

Have also been doing a bit of thinking with regards to last names. I'm quite excited. I'm going to have the same last name as my little family. No more will I have to explain that I am Donna ........ , Miss Midgets Mother. This is a wonderful thought after all the times I have had to explain to doctors and such.

The fun part will be coming up with a new signature :S

06/11/12
So at this point I'm praying Miss Midget isn't sick on Friday or the weekend. Had to come home early from work due to Missy having a temperature. It's been lots of fun this afternoon.

Oh I'd also like to apologise for all the fibs I've told lately about what Saturday is for.
You know I love you and well I hope it was a happy surprise or a happy confirmation that it is/was what you thought it was.

Right time to see if I can get some sleep. Don't want to be a Zombie tomorrow if Missy is well enough for me to work.

07/11/12
Right a bit of quiet time before my friend comes over for my "hens" night. It's a raging party here tonight I tell ya. It consists of Me, 1 Sleeping Miss Midget and my good friend lol.
We're going to have a few drinks, watch some of our favourite TV Programs and chill out which will be nice.

So this afternoon was a bit interesting. I tried on a wedding dress to see if the style suited me and there was all sorts of talk about how I'm going to have my hair done etc.
I've also been informed that I am going shopping tomorrow afternoon to get a dress. so watch this space. Apparently while trying the dress on I was shaking and looked like I was about to cry. I just got a bit over whelmed i think. I sort of almost feel guilty doing it this way as neither Mr E or I have told our parents whats going on. We were planning on doing that Friday night after the event. I am wondering if I'm robbing my mum of something though.

The 2 wonderful ladies helping sort me out this afternoon have become fairy godmothers intent on getting this Cinderella to the ball in a pretty frock thats not already in her wardrobe lol. I thank you both sincerely for thinking enough of me to help me with all of this.

I had a coversation with Miss Midget about how Mummy's going to match her and Daddy and have the same last name. She thought that was ok (after me explaining it a bit further). She now seems to think we're going to a Ball on Friday now. I guess the pretty dress I was wearing this afternoon didn't help with convincing her other wise but thats ok :).

Have decided any photos relating to today I'll post on my tumblr account as Tumblr tends to display photos nicer :)

08/11/12
Wow this post is turning into a novel. Sorry. Thanks for sticking with me if you made it this far down.
It's currently 11pm the night before the big day. Mr E has gone off with friends for his version of the stag do. I'm currently semi prepared for tomorrow. Stuff is in a bag to take to one of my lovely Fairy Godmother house. I am 99% certain I have everything. Dunno how I'll feel in the morning but right now I have everything I can remember :).
Miss Midget is currently tucked up in bed.

Speaking of Miss Midget, She had a wee accident at childcare today. Poor Poppet slipped, know her she was going way to fast and well yeah. As you can see from the photo below we have a wee mark on her nose.

That is ok though. I am not worried about it. My poor childcare lady thought I was going to murder her. Oh well it's not the end of the world and nothing is broken that can not be fixed.

Last night with my friend was rather amusing. We had fun. Had my one of my favourite meals for dinner, drank 3 bourbon and cola's and watched my favourite TV shows while Miss Midget slept. We also managed to talk a whole lot hence the reason it was after 1am by the time I went to bed. Was rather funny at one point though at about 10 we're both sitting there with tears streaming down our face and tissues in hand - Good old hay fever struck and we both ended up resorting to meds. As you can tell we know how to party lol.
Seriously though it was a lot of fun and I think I'll be convincing the husbands that it should be a regular thing :).

We found my dress today (I can hear the gasps from here - only just finding my wedding dress the day before the wedding). It's beautiful. So thank you to my fairy godmother's whom I will find someway of paying back. It's awesome.
I have my shoes all sorted. I guarantee I'll be a barefoot bride not long after the wedding but I'm happy with that to.

Well I should go get some sleep so I don't have huge bags under my eyes.
 

11/12/12Right so the last few days have been brilliant. Exactly what we wanted which has been awesome.

So Friday 9th of November at 3pm we got married at the Whangarei Court House with a couple of good friends as witnesses and my darling Little Miss Midget as our Fairy Dust Sprinkler.

Last night we had our surprise reception. Thank you to those who came. Those who were invited and didn't come. Sorry you couldn't make it and surprise :).

It's taken a good couple of weeks to get here but I'm glad we have done it. Thank you for all your kind words and we are so very happy.
I'm sure I'll think of more to write about in another blog post but I feel this one is long enough lol.

Link to the more photos will be posted later on after I wake properly :)

Peter Pan

Ok so it's old news that I made a Peter Pan out of felt.
I am slowly putting some of my little crafty adventures on to Pinterest so I thought it would be a good idea to include Mr Pan to add to my little brag board that I have called "Mine"

So here he is :).

As I used my own imagination for this little man I can't link you to the pattern. It's currently in my sewing box. I can if anyone is interested figure out how to scan it and turn it into a PDF. Feel free to leave a comment and we'll go from there. No point in going to the effort if no one is interested though :).

The Parent Test - For those who have not seen it yet :)

For those of you who haven't seen the email or didn't manage to catch it on stuff.co.nz here is the Parent Test.
 

I love this cause it's 99% true :)

Test 1: Preparation 

 

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children 

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

 

Test 2: Knowledge 

 

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

 

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

 

Test 4: Dressing Small Children 

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

 

Test 5: Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6: Going for a walk 

 

a. Wait.

b. Go out the front door.

c. Come back in again.

d. Go out.

e. Come back in again.

f. Go out again.

g. Walk down the front path.

h. Walk back up it.

i. Walk down it again.

j. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

k. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.

l. Retrace your steps.

m. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.

n. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7: Conversations with children 

 

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

 

Test 8: Grocery Shopping 

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
4. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10:TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11: Mess 

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.

Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13:Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14: Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!

Have a good Sunday people :)