It wasn't meant to be.........

Ok so today is 09/10/13. I right the date because I know it's going to be awhile before I post this publicly.
So today I began to have a miscarriage. Most of you will not of known I was even pregnant. I was 6wks today.
So I guess it was not meant to be and I guess we'll have our second wee midget when the time is right.
At present I'm a bit numb about it all. Today has not gone according to plan at all.
I was meant to work my only full day this week, come home and look after Miss Midget while Mr E worked tonight.
Obviously those plans are now out the window. Instead I was at White Cross at 10:45am and then at the Pathologist to get blood taken. I have a Doctors appointment tomorrow for blood tests results and a "where to from here" chat. I can see the rest of this week is going to be hell but it's just goes with my "I want a refund" post I think.

I'm not going to even try and fathom why people go through this. It's cruel and unfair. The only thing I can grasp is that baby you were obviously to perfect for this world and that you were needed in heaven instead of being with me and your daddy.

I wrote this poem a few years ago when a friend of mine went through this. 

Tears cannot express the sadness we go through knowing you're not here.
They say that god has a master plan and all I can think of it’s not fair.
Going through the pain and knowing I cannot hold you, it’s not fair.
They say try again. I don't want to, I want you more than they will ever know.
They say other things to try and make me feel better like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
At the end of the day I know they mean well but I don't care, I want you.
God and life are not on our side this time it seems.
You were loved before your first breath and even more loved now even though we never got the chance to meet you.
Forever in our hearts, my little butterfly baby.

I write this post not looking for sympathy. I know I'm not the first or the last person to go through this. This is more for me to try and make sense of it all.
I know once the hormones settle down and things go back to normally I'll be fine and life will carry on.

14/10/13
Ok so I've been thinking and talking with a few people. It's only been a few days of healing and I know there will be lots more.
I'm still quite numb about the whole thing. I'm not sure how I feel. While I am sad I feel like I should feel worse. I haven't been the crying mess in the corner. I dunno. I have just been putting one foot in front of the other.
The people I have told so far have been wonderful (Not that I was expecting them not to be). Words of condolence have been spoken but right now I almost feel like a fraud due to the way I'm feeling right now. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, I appreciate all the kind words that have been given to me but it's like I don't deserve them because I'm not more emotional about this whole thing.

I'm not sure if you could class this as me dealing with it well or not dealing with it at all.
I'm in a bit of pain today. I was meant to go to work today but I think I did too much over the weekend so have been curled up with my book today. Miss Midget has gone out for the day and Mr E has gone fishing. I'm having some peace.
I kind of feel like I should be feeling more. I don't want to belittle anyone that has been through this or is going to go through this. I feel like I'm not feeling what I should which turns the guilt up even more.

Again this post is for me processing exactly what I'm feeling at the moment. Even seeing it on the screen isn't helping though. Will see. I'll put this post down to my own personal therapy. Chucking it out into the universe may help me process. 

Ok so now it's on with the positive. I will sort through this. I know there is no right or wrong way to feel and to grieve. I have a beautiful family whom I love more than anything and I have lots of people around me who make me smile constantly.
I'm making new friends through the book blog and I get to to talk books with like minded people which is always fun. 

I'll leave you with this, I posted it on my facebook the other day :).

It's coming I promise.

Just a quick update to tell you where I'm at. So holiday adventure stories are coming. I have been snowed under with work and one sick Miss Midget (It seems the moment we hit the county her immune system protested).

We also have had birthdays to celebrate with My 30th happening while we were away and Miss Midget's 4th Birthday happening the week we were back.

For the Birthdays we had an afternoon tea for Miss and drinks for me (Very poor effort on my part, I was in bed by 12am, thanks to Mr E deciding it was a good idea to feed me shots - Shots are never a good idea!!!! When will I learn?).

Anyway to tide you over for a little while heres a couple that I haven't posted on Facebook - This should keep the masses happy until I can sort the rest out (Monday hopefully).

I think we got a tad wet on this ride at Sea World

Miss Midget making friends at Noosa National Park

Mr E having a turn on the didgeridoo in Cairns - He's pretty good

"King Kong & Pippi Longstockings"
Mr E and myself Jungle Surfing (Flying fox kinda thing or Zip Lining) at Cape Tribulation in Cairns

Woohoo Holiday

Woohoo we're going on Holiday.
The final countdown has began (All I have running through my head is "It's the final countdown") as we're off on Friday down to the M.I.L's house and then leaving on a jet plane to jump the ditch on Saturday to have a Austrailia Adventure (Cliche much? haha).

I'm so looking forward to it. I'm praying that it's a hell of a lot warmer there than it is here (looking at the temps it's a given yay).

I've made it to almost 30yrs old without leaving the country I can't wait to see what Australia has in store for me.

So heads up for everyone this is your official warning that I won't be on the net much come Saturday next week unless I find internet access somewhere (Not really planning on looking too hard) so both this blog and Lost in a Book will be a little quiet for at least a couple of weeks as we're gone till 25th/26th of August.

Right now to get off the computer and go continue figuring what on earth I'm packing.
According to Miss Midget she is only taking toys and her bag's all packed. When asked about her clothes she informed me that she was gonna rock around Australia in her pj's. Hmmmm something tells me this one takes after her Mummy in the fact that pj's are the most comfy thing owned :)

Take care and will talk when I get back (I'll have lots of photos to show you hehe)

Important Life Lessons for Miss Midget

So this morning tragedy struck and i was greeted with tears when I went to get Miss Midget up this morning.
Her poor long suffering Barbie has lost her leg just below the knee.



We are hoping Dr Daddy (Mr E) will be able to fix Barbie (Glue should work I hope).
This got me thinking about life lessons Missy has learnt in her 3 almost 4 years.

I would say this is a important one. Barbie's legs may bend but it doesn't mean they go that way. Also this could be a lesson on the fact that Mummy and Daddy may not be able to fix everything.

Another lesson she's learnt a few months back (I won't go into to much detail about it) - She has found out the hard way that if she swallows the likes of Barbie's little bracelet that while we may see it again we do not get to keep it and we count it as GONE.

Another one she's learnt is that yes we can give our toys haircuts but they are not like us and it won't grow back. This one she learnt after silly Mummy left a pair of scissors within reach and Miss had friends around. Really it's all Mummy's fault but still Miss has learnt a valuable lesson on that one.

I know there are more life lessons coming for her. Things like "We don't cut our own hair" and the like of so I guess I have things to look forward to. Feel free to let me know other fun life lessons I may not be aware of.

So I guess now we wait for Dr Daddy and figure out whether today's life lesson is about Barbie's leg or the fact Glue is a wonderful invention.

Will let you know how Barbie's surgery goes :)

Well cheers to a uncertain future

Well this week more uncertainty has crept into my life.

I have been made redundant. 

While I'm not overly happy about the prospect of leaving the job I have held for the last 4 1/2yrs, I can honestly say I just don't have the fight left in me to try again to keep it.

So now with the uncertainty I have a world of possibility in front of me of what I can do next. While in theory this all sounds wonderful I'm not overly happy about this either as there is no structure, control, planning in place on what I am to do next.

Also with the possibility comes "new", I'm thinking about the concept of this now and while it is pushing me out of my comfort zone I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

So I guess I plan the best way I can. So I'm to start with the job websites and ringing round trying to update my references etc.

So far I have applied for 3 jobs and I have 2 more I am still contemplating. The next "right job" will be just around the corner I'm sure. So for the time being it's a matter of holding on to the handlebars and let the roller coaster take me where it may.

Well wish me luck people and lets see where I end up next :). 

Oh and if you hear of anything in the admin department that you think I might be interested in please feel free to send it my way. The more people helping me look the better.

(Small side note. I started writing this post on Tuesday while waiting for the confirmation. I strategically left it until now to post so I get over all my angry "doom & gloom" and start looking on the bright side. I know this is situation is not forever and I found a awesome quote this week that I think sums it up.)
 

C is for COOKIES

C is for Cookie and I made enough for me :).

Well I have found I have had a bit of time on my hands due to one thing and another lately and I've had a craving for chocolate chip cookies for a long time now. Before you ask no I'm not pregnant I just don't get cookies very often :).

So I had a look at my limited supplies in my pantry and then had a look at my cookbook which didn't have the answers. Good old Google though helped me find a cookie recipe that fitted in with what i had available and I came up with 2 recipes that I have tried. One is for normal Sugar Cookies which I just added chocolate chips to and the other is for Brown Sugar Cookies, this was good as we had lots of brown sugar in the cupboard.

Thought I would share these with you :).

Sugar Cookies (This is the one I added Chocolate Chips to).
1 1/2 cups of butter softened.
2 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
5 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt.

• Put into a large bowl sugar and butter and cream them together until smooth. Beat in Eggs and Vanilla. Stir in the Flour, baking powder and salt. Cover and chill dough for at least 1 hour (or overnight).
  
• Preheat oven to 200 and put cookie dough in lots on baking paper.
  
• Cook for 6 - 8 minutes and then leave to cool. Depending on how you like your cookies. I like mine on the soft side in the middle so mine were in there towards the 6 min mark :).
  
• This recipe makes lots (Didn't count them sorry)

Brown Sugar Cookies
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1 cup brown sugar (packed)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
If you want spice cookies add in 2x teaspoons cinnamon, 1 teaspoon nutmeg and 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (I did not add spices when I made them)

Preheat oven at 200
Mix butter, brown sugar and egg till smooth.
Add vanilla, baking powder and salt and mix.
Mix in flour in slowly so mixture doesn't go lumpy.
Add spices now if required.

Bake till light brown (10 - 12 mins)

I managed to get 14 cookies out of this recipe but this does depend on how big you like your cookies

Have made this recipe 2x this week and this is a photo of last cookie standing lol

I want a refund!!!!!

So I want a refund.

2013 has not lived up to what was originally sold to me and I want a full refund!
Not store credit and I certainly do not want to pick another year as it can not be promised that it won't turn out exactly like this one.

I'm thinking maybe I need to tell "the powers that be" that they have a faulty product and really should look at fixing it.

While it was never stated that I had brought only roses I think I got the product that only had the thorns and fertilizer. I'm still waiting for my roses!!!

Of course when planning for this year no one could expect that it would turn out like this and yes it is "the luck of the draw" but I think a refund is necessary after everything this year.

I think maybe as I push for my refund I could speak to them about their advertising.
Really things like "It can only get better", "This year holds so much promise", "This year is Your year" really shouldn't be used with regards to this year. It's almost false advertising.

I really should've read the "terms and conditions" on New Years day instead of looking at it through hungover eyes first before I went along with all the advertising above. 

If I can't get refund (It's pretty much a given I'm stuck with 2013 isn't it?) I will look into what I can do to get the roses. I have enough fertiliser to sink a ship so I better get some brilliant ones :).

Right now that I have my nonsense rant out of the way I promise I'm fine and we can go back to our regularly scheduled Friday lol.
 

If my daughter makes it to 18.......(Warning Content of this Post is a tad GROSS)

At present we are battling winter illness. So far this winter (Well actually the last 6wks) we've had a tummy bug, strep throat and now we're moving on to a wonderful cold which I won't go into great detail about (it's pretty gross). So again I have found that I have had to take time off work.

I'm now at the point where I'm getting cabin fever and my patience is extremely thin, It also doesn't help that I'm not feeling 100% either. At this point of having her home with me I'm thinking it's going to be a miracle if she makes it to 18yrs old.

My darling daughter when she gets cooped up she tends to go a little like her Mumma with cabin fever. I swear this afternoon was like I'd feed her a whole pile of sugar as she was running round like a crazy person. Was only when she stopped she realised she was still sick as the coughing came and the copious amounts of snot. Her ears must also not be working because everything I said to do (Like stay in the lounge cause it's warm) completely went out the window. Theres is also the entertainment factor that I'm having fun with. Her attention span is not lasting as long as normal.

This post is mainly because I'm frustrated. I know lots of kids get like this and I'm sure I'm not the only mother out there ready to rip their hair out due to not being able to win. I was even informed by the Doctor when we went last time that kids can have 12 sicknesses of a winter (which to me seems ridiculously high).

Be nice to catch a break sometime soon and be able to actually work. Its at this stage of the last few weeks I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last too long as a stay at home mum.

So now I'm going to stop whinging as a) theres not much I can do about the situation and b) having a child was our decision so I'm pretty sure this was self inflicted so time to take the concrete pill and harden up :).

My imagination and other such rubbish

Right so with the other Blog under way now I feel it's probably time to explain my little adventures here and there.

So here goes :)
Mostly I blog because it's my way of talking about whatever is going through my mind at the time.

In my little world of my blog I imagine people care what I have to say about stuff. They don't particularly care that my writing style is pretty much just me writing the first things that come into my head.
I do try and remember the things that I was taught in English but half the time I write what I think and how it would sound if I said it out loud. I realise sometimes this comes across as poor English but I'm OK with that :).

My little imagination runs away on me and likes to pretend I'm talking to the masses (which going by my stats for both blogs isn't that many people lol).
Now for those who know personally are probably having a good giggle at the bit about the masses. I don't do public speaking at all. i'll avoid it like the plague.
I get nervous talking to a room of 5 people when I'm doing training at work. I did horribly when it came to speeches at school. The content may of been OK but nerves kicked in and I'd rattle on at 90 mile a second, even if I'd timed a speech to the perfect time, standing up in front of people my speech would never be as long as it was meant to be.

I also get a bit of anxiety attacks so chances are I've run through 50 million scenarios about whats going to go wrong and how much of a idiot I'm going to look before I've even got anywhere near to opening my mouth :). So the chances of me actually speaking to a large group of people are pretty non existent as far as I'm concerned.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this little part of the internet for me is a way to voice my opinions about general rubbish that I am either going through or have a strong opinion about. I don't expect everyone to agree with half of what I have to say but it's nice to know people value you or at very least nosey enough to read it :).

Also with these little projects I have going it does seem to help with regards to work.
I work for a website company.I do the content entering and the training for our clients so they can update their websites themselves. I've found having my general play around with the likes of Blogger and Twitter and Facebook have helped with when clients ask about Social Media. Having used some of the products out there for this blog like Google Analytics has helped with regards to being able to answer questions and also occasionally pointing people in the right direction.

So that's it from me for the moment. I'm sure there'll be more stuff to write about shortly. I have a very vivid imagination and this space here lets it run wild with my ramblings which could be dangerous :).

Sucker for punishment

So it appears I'm a sucker for punishment.

Since my obsession with my kindle and books has grown to the point I've decided to start a Book Blog. More for my benefit that anyone else's and if you choose to follow the new blog cool but if not sweet as.

Just no judging me by the stuff I read thank you :).

So the new blog is - Lost in a Book - lostinabooknz.blogspot.co.nz/.

I am going to try and keep the blogs separate and see how that goes.
This blog is more for my general ramblings that for writing about my books :).

We'll see how this all pans out. Might let one of them go, We'll see :).

So anyway I'll post again later n whats been happening with me. Just thought I'd fill ya in on my latest adventure in the blogging world :).

It's funny what life throws at ya

So at present I'm trying - 

This is sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes I'd much rather



It's ok though don't worry cause I will be fine. I will not let the world beat me :)
As long as I remember




and 


and



Have a good day guys xo

Just checking in

Hi All.
Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately.
Have a lot on my plate at present which is making my life awfully interesting.

I haven't done any sewing lately. I have had my head stuck in books recently and I haven't done much else but read :).

I've decided my Kindle was one of the best purchases ever.
The books available for ebook readers are with in my price range which is awesome and there are some awesome books I've discovered.

Beautiful Creatures Series - This series I couldn't put down. I read all the books in what I thought was record time for me. Was a bit sad that ended but definitely a good read.

"Ethan Wate is haunted by dreams of a girl he’s never met. When Lena Duchannes moves into his small southern town of Gatlin County, Ethan is inexplicably drawn to her. And he is determined to uncover the strange connection between them, even if it means uncovering the one secret that could change everything"

I should of listened though and steered clear of the movie but I wasn't quite ready to let go of the series and wanted to see how the movie compared. Yeah they stuffed it up royally, the main character was miss cast and they rushed the story which was highly frustrating. It's was worse than when I watched The Help after read the book (That was a mistake to).

From there Amazon recommended a few books and for some reason I went with The Infernal Devices series. The series kicks off with "Clockwork Angel"

"Magic is dangerous—but love is more dangerous still.
When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray crosses the ocean to find her brother, her destination is England, the time is the reign of Queen Victoria, and something terrifying is waiting for her in London's Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Only the Shadowhunters, warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons, keep order amidst the chaos."

Loved it and quickly went through "Clockwork Prince" and "Clockwork Princess" (Was very lucky as the last book came out about 2 or 3 days before so was able to read them all straight away.

To my delight I found this series was actually a prequel to "The Mortal Instruments" series so I quickly jumped on that bandwagon to and read all 5 books straight as fast as I could get them. My only problem now is the 6th book doesn't come out until next year. 
The first book is City of Bones, story goes like this -

When fifteen-year-old Clary Fray heads out to the Pandemonium Club in New York City, she hardly expects to witness a murder — much less a murder committed by three teenagers covered with strange tattoos and brandishing bizarre weapons. Clary knows she should call the police, but it's hard to explain a murder when the body disappears into thin air and the murderers are invisible to everyone but Clary.

Going back to books being turned into movies.
This one has a movie coming out in August in USA which looks good. Hopefully I won't come away disappointed in that one.

So now that I have finished all that I went back to Amazon and am now reading a book called "Divergent"

In Beatrice Prior's dystopian Chicago, society is divided into five factions, each dedicated to the cultivation of a particular virtue—Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). On an appointed day of every year, all sixteen-year-olds must select the faction to which they will devote the rest of their lives. For Beatrice, the decision is between staying with her family and being who she really is—she can't have both. So she makes a choice that surprises everyone, including herself. 

Not quite sure what I think of it just yet, I finished it this afternoon and I think I want to read the next one in the series but I can't say that I have been as taken with this book as what I was with the others. It was sort of like Hunger Games, there were similar themes etc.

So now on to find the next good read if I can find one :)

Yeah I'm slack

Hmmm so yeah I know I'm slack.
It's been a couple of months since my last post.
A whole pile of thinsg are going on at present. Unfortunately I can't really talk about any of them here so we'll have to make do with a bright fluffy post about a mermaid :).

So a couple of weeks ago now, I had some inspiration to make Miss Midget a mermaid. Had thought about going and seeing from designs were out there and for some reason I decided against this and decided to make my own (Yeah crazy lady here).

So below is what I have ended up with :)

My drawing to start making pattern

All cut out ready to sew

Getting there

Her face

All sewn up but something doesn't look right.
Her arms also could of been a bit wider :).

She needed a necklace.

So again if anyone stumbles upon this blog post and you want my pattern just feel free to email me :).

Now that I have made this one though, I'm thinking I might actually see what free patterns are out there.
I'm waiting to find something easy that won't take me to long that I could perhaps sell to make a bit of extra money to go to Australia with.

So far I've found these - 

Source: bitofwhimsydolls.com via Donna on Pinterest

Source: thecraftingfiend.blogspot.com via Donna on Pinterest

Problem with these ones is I'm picking I'm going to have to get a bit better on the sewing machine for them. I'll see what I can come up with. Will let you know if I end up making them or if I get to the point I can sell them :).

Another surprising use for Hand Sanitizer

So yesterday as I was home alone I found I had lots of time to rattle round the internet just filling in time.
I came across a friend's status - Renette from South African Kiwi.
She had found something which to me would never of been obvious.

"Hand sanitiser removes permanent marker from carpets. Just so you know."

Well that got my little brain ticking fast and I knew I had a small bottle of the stuff that I'd never used so this lead on to me trying to clean the arms of my lazy boy chair.

Ok so this chair has had a hard life. Originally my Popa's chairs, we inherited them and they have been sitting in the lounge for the better part of 7yrs (not counting 6mths but thats a whole another story). Anyway this particular chair used to be Mr E's got to chair. So of course the arms looked horrible with all sorts of muck on them and years worth of it. You know the kind of muck that comes from a boys hands after they have been in the garage tinkering, or the kind that comes from being on their hands at work, that sort of stuff.

So last night I thought "What the hell, lets give this a go".

Well I was quite surprised with the results.

Take a look for yourself below.

Arm before (It's pretty gross huh)

Arm after

The state of the chux cloth after.

So there you go. Not sure how cost effective this would be if you decided to do this on a regular basis and I'm sure they have proper cleaning products that possibly would of done the same job. I just wanted to test it on something that I knew was stuck and wouldn't be that easy to clean (The other arm of the chair did actually have permanent marker on it. Not any more though).

So if the apocalypse ever comes and you find yourself without cleaning products but you have a stock of hand sanitizer you'll be fine :).

Have a good day :)

When the holidays over.............

Managed to survive Christmas and News Years and we're all still in one piece :).

Miss Midget has been extremely spoilt over the last few weeks with trips here and there. Mr E and Miss left today to go spend a few days down in Managwhai

This is the view from where they are staying.

Yeah I'm extremely jealous to :).

Over the holidays we mainly spent it hanging out with family and friends and just enjoying the weather. We have had some beautiful stuff here.
I'm very thankful for Mum and Dad's pool as well as there were a couple of days last week where if there hadn't been a pool I would of melted.
I figure I'll leave ya with a few of my favourite photos from over the season as they pretty much explain it all :)

Christmas Present I made. Did 6 in total

Miss's cool pirate patch she got from her friends birthday party

Christmas eve and Santa has been

Santa didn't just leave presents. He left footprints to

Miss painting up our Balloon game with Nanny J

Bath time at Nanny J's

Our strawberry when we got home from being away at Christmas

The view from the house we stayed at in Parua Bay for New Years

The view from Mum & Dad's house

Miss Midgets super cool water slide.

Miss Midget's swing that turned up magically after new years

Miss Midget having a ride on the Bishop's bike :)

So as you can see a good time has been had by all.

Will try and post a bit more regularly now that the holidays have finished.

Have fun 

D