The Parent Test - For those who have not seen it yet :)

For those of you who haven't seen the email or didn't manage to catch it on stuff.co.nz here is the Parent Test.
 

I love this cause it's 99% true :)

Test 1: Preparation 

 

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children 

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

 

Test 2: Knowledge 

 

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

 

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

 

Test 4: Dressing Small Children 

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

 

Test 5: Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6: Going for a walk 

 

a. Wait.

b. Go out the front door.

c. Come back in again.

d. Go out.

e. Come back in again.

f. Go out again.

g. Walk down the front path.

h. Walk back up it.

i. Walk down it again.

j. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

k. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.

l. Retrace your steps.

m. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.

n. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7: Conversations with children 

 

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

 

Test 8: Grocery Shopping 

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
4. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10:TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11: Mess 

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room and leave them there.

Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13:Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14: Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!

Have a good Sunday people :)

 

Busy week

Been a bit quiet on the blogging this week. Mainly because We've been busy at home sorting out the house and trying to find space for everything.

I have some awesome new shelves in Miss Midgets playroom half for her toys and half for a shoe rack. They are doing a great job. A) it makes more room in there for Missy to play and not have a great big toy box in the middle of the floor and B) she can now find 90% of her toys easier. I say 90% because out of the 8 containers we have there are 2 misc ones with stuff in them that doesn't really fit into any of the other categories we have lol. Shes loving the space though.

We have also added some plastic drawers for her to store her puzzles and colouring in books as week which should make the top of her book shelf not so crowded :).
This week we have also been having fun with Miss Midget and her adjusting to the change. After moving back home and then a few other changes the Midget has had to deal with we've had a bit of a battle this week as she hasn't been herself. Slowly getting there though. A lot of TLC from Mummy, Daddy and the extended family and she'll be right in no time (hopefully).

This week my poor little car has gone to the Ding Doctor (Those from Whangarei should get that :)).

It went on Wednesday. It's amazing how one possession can dictate how much independence one has. Yes I know I could walk places and lots of people make do without a car but this is the longest I have been without wheels since I was 19 or 20 and if you've seen the weather in Whangarei lately you'll understand why the Waiwai Express is not a good option especially if Miss Midget is in tow. So looks like it won't be back for the weekend either so it might just be a quiet weekend at home. Not so bad in the scheme of things as I'm sure I have plenty of jobs to do but a pain non the less as there will be no random trips to the super market to get things that are needed etc. So might have to just make a plan and go tomorrow while Elmo is still home.

Mothers Day last Sunday worked out nicely. It was just me and Miss for the day. She was really good for Mummy and we just hung out and did mummy/daughter things and later that day snuggled up on the couch to watch "Dumbo". Later that night so I didn't have to cook we got pizza for dinner. The whole day was lovely. Not so much spoilt (I got spoilt with my present a few days earlier, I get a 1hr long aromatherapy massage at some stage, yay) but we just fun. It was how the day was should be :).

Other than that not a lot is happening. Head down and bum up with work as my training is getting a bit of a overhaul and new schedules are being put in place etc. 

Oh and last blog I promised to tell you about the birthday presents I was making. Well one of them unfortunately hasn't panned out but thats ok as the other one I did went really well. Heres a picture of it :) 

Hope all is well in your world.

xoxox

D